East Meets West: Nice Weather We’re Having, Eh?
The saying goes that Canada has two seasons; winter and construction.
Some years, it’s just way too on the mark. If there’s one thing Canadians love to talk about it, it’s the weather. Why is that? Polite topic? An endless source of conversation with the extremes? I can’t say that I have an answer, but I’ve witnessed Momma Nature’s mood swings and certainly made a conversation out of them.
The topic du jour (look at me appealing to the francophone population of Canada!) that has everyone losing their merde, is Polar Vortex. Canada is the Great White North, after all. Wicked cold, nay, offensively cold and SNOW. From coast to coast, Canada is being pummeled with snow, freezing rain, and general discontent.
I viscerally remember while living in Toronto, one of those winter’s that brought snow in October and was still snowing in APRIL, I stopped on the sidewalk, burst into tears and proclaimed “I just can’t take being cold anymore!” Well, guess what babes? That’s where I’m sitting today. Yes, Vancouver gets shit on for being wusses (I even asked my pal, Chris, “Is Vancouver prissy?” “Oh hundred percent”), however, we do not get weather like this on the regular. Snow tires aren’t the norm; hell most people don’t have winter boots. It’s no joke, the city shuts down.
This past Monday was miserable, even though it was only the tip of the iceberg compared to the precipitation shit storm on deck... Everyone was rotted, having a rough day, from the paramedics needing coffee whose radio wasn’t working, to the poor bugger barely staying vertical. Buddy stopped aimed his face to the sky and unleashed “Fuck! I’m so frustrated!!”. I felt deeply connected to him. I’ve survived Halloween’s that found me wearing snowsuits underneath costumes, and Victoria Day Weekends where it snowed. I’m done with this winter fuckery in a place that only a week prior found crocus peeping out and a light jacket was all you needed. “LOL”, says Momma nature, “you’ll take what I give you!”
Gaia has and will restore balance, or at least go to the other extreme so you appreciate when weather is “normal”. “It’s not the heat, it’s the humidity”, and Jesus Christ on a cracker, Toronto, you take gold for that nonsense.
Picture this, July in the concrete jungle, multi-week heat wave, which of COURSE happened during the garbage strike, the average nighttime temp; 28C. The hottest I recall The Weather Network spouting what it felt like with the humidex: 55C. 55!!! I remember being a puddle on the sauna of a subway in a drenched sundress marveling at the new places I’d discovered that were sweating only to feel my face morph into extreme pity; those poor Bay Street Boys in there SUITS AND TIES. ‘Scuse me while I mop my brow at the memory.
I would be doing a disservice to Canada if I didn’t expand on some of the beautiful, terrifying, awe-inspiring weather moments: green skies that are preludes to tornados or ready to erupt in hail, and icebergs meandering their way into bays, dwarfing houses, excited to be turned into beer (here’s look at you Quidi Vidi!) Have you seen heat lightning crackling in the clouds at sunrise late in August, or marveled at a Creamsicle sky, as the world is hushed and muffled from the snow? Nature is so deeply swoon-worthy.
I’ve always believed that four seasons is just so limiting, I love me an in-between season; snowball fights while wearing just a t-shirt while the snow rapidly melts like Narnia in The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe. INDIAN SUMMER IS THE BEST. C’mon, sleeping with the windows wide open with your nose a lil nippy but know you’ll be sweating midday; BEST. Hell, I’ll even put up with June Gloom (not to be confused with Newfoundland’s Junuary, where it can actually snow on the cusp of summer. I’m sorry b’ys. I truly am, you’re flippin troopers) a rainy reprieve from sunshine and balmy temperatures before the mercury soars and the sun gives us life and amahazing tans again. It makes you appreciate the full manifestation of a season. Despite it all, regardless of the weather, there’s something that you can count on, sun or snow, hail or sleet: dads across the country will still be out barbequing.
Oh, Canada indeed!